my grandmother thought she vaccuumed up a quarter so she made me open the bag, dump it out on her front lawn, and dig through it. no quarter.
omg, he ripped it...he ripped my vagina...best. night. ever.
he told me it was a naked video of him so i opened it. i just got rickrolled while sexting
i think i left my bra at your place
It's still hanging from my ceiling fan. Please let me keep it there.
don't blame me for your drunken lack of judgement
big words... still drunk. dont care. your fault.
I remember coming home with a cat... I havent seen it all day. Shit.
And with me just getting pulled over and you maxing your card out on tennis balls I don't know if we can afford it
So I commented on one of his pictures "who do I have to give a full effort blow job to, to get the Ides of March movie poster behind you" he responded with a number that wasn't his. I still texted it. I love that movie.
This is why I need to move out...so my naked vomit covered walk of shames to the bathroom are only witnessed by one other person who is equally as pathetic as me and the cat
I don't give a shit if she's homeless, if you're gunna live outside el pollo loco and act like a bitch I'm squirting you with my water bottle
I literally farted midsex as a siren for him to get the fuck off me.. No such luck.
I think I should just be a madame. Fuck it.
I'm just gonna post fliers on telephone poles like, "who wantsta be a hooooooe?!"
Do you sleep with the same women I've already slept with on purpose?
I could tell you were slightly drunk by the time you started having a conversation with my tiki torch
I kept screaming at his rabbit: "IT'S OKAY, YOU CAN HAVE SOME TRIX. FUCK THOSE SELFISH BITCHES."
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