Her boobs are too amazing to be looking at my dick. I'm even ashamed.
Seriously? Time stamp. 2:31 AM. And I am taking self potraits with a tree. Betty Ford anyone?
Had a student tell me he misses the old Four Loko. He's in 7th grade. No one is allowed to claim I started drinking too young ever again.
Numbies before the dentist, such a good idea.
He gets a blow job and all I get is a huge scar on my arm ... how is this fair?
do you find it slutty that the last person I had sex with is also the person who sings my ringtone ?
his phone is always ringing though. It makes me feel like I'm dating a doctor who's always on call.
yeah, dating a doctor sounds much better than fucking your drug dealer.
You call it a hangover, I call it a baby squirrel burrowing its way out of my head.
Haha I haven't even had my interview yet and I'm already trying to fuck my way to the top. 'Merica.
I used the hope and guess method to figure out who I slept with last night.
He fucking took my shirt off and didn't even touch my boobs. What the actual fuck.
The sex was so good I feel like I could run a triathlon, hit big at the casino, and defeat ISIS.
Well, I can now cross "dirty drunk homeless hobo" off of my bucket list of people who have been successful wingmen for me. North Carolina is getting weird.
In the words of Disney’s Jafar, “desperate times call for desperate measures.”
Can I send you a random dick pic? It's got a lightsaber tattoo
Randomize
