The problem is he wears abercrombie jeans like there's nothing wrong with it
my dad brought home flowers.. so i started talking to them
they esentially rejected my mermaid threesome offer:(
I was pretending that it wasn't happening. Until we had to roll down the windows as she was vomiting apologies into a Target bag.
I would not be 19 again if you paid me. Guess who found naked pictures of themselves? Fuck cocaine
Dave used his AAA card to get my car towed to my house so I could get drunk. Evil genius.
The DJ was throwing glowsticks into the crowd and managed to smack one guy in the face with them
I haven't even sucked a boob is 6 weeks I hate not college
Jessica just ate her lipstick. That's how the night is going
I don't trust his life but I trust his penis.
I will run into the sunset with a fist full of condoms.
In retrospect, vomiting out of a moving vehicle on the third date should have been a deal breaker
You know why I love being a regular at this bar? It's because at a certain point last call is only a suggestion.
Feels weird riding an elevator with my tongue in my own mouth.
Does it look too obvious if I buy wine and candles!?! In my defense there is a gigantic snow storm coming.
Randomize
