Apparently every Tri-Delt knows what I did and I am blacklisted from ever dating anyone in that house.
Well ya you lied, told her you cared, took her virginity and then broke up with her at Christies Toy Box.
I honestly thought the dildo was a nice parting gift.
I just remembered that last night when we tried to walk off the spins you said "pretend i'm your pet dinosaur" so i walked you around on an invisible leash while you made t-rex hissing noises.
At what point in time did you think it was ok to jizz in my hair while I slept??
Around the time you told me my brothers dick was bigger.
apparently there was a flour fight and couch sex...
Fuck you, jack daniels. I feel like satan laid an egg in my brain.
No. I want him to marry me so we can spend our lives together. I also want a to-scale model of his genitals to mount above my fireplace
one minute he's happily playing with a lighter and the next thing I know, he's screaming and the swing set is on fire
he's a firefighter. like being a firefighter screams MY DICK IS HUGE SO I'M NOT AFRAID TO DIE IN THIS FIRE.
and if planning a fake elopement keeps me from fucking strangers and doing drugs, i think it's good for me
I was gonna drive but when i tried to use telekinesis to get my keys, I knew I shouldn't be driving
Can you come unlock the door? I just peed myself on the porch.
There it is. Caramel-coated dick. Someone is getting a yeast infection later.
Update: He still has devil magic genitals.
Well, I could just slap my dick to my phone and see what it says
So you're not gonna be in town tonight?! Your dick was the light at the end of my academic tunnel!
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