Did your girl go home? Did she have fun? Can we have our friend back?
i just woke up in the hallway. not my hallway. i officially raise my hand to be DD next week.
omg a stripper jus od'd on stage.
Well its official I'm an idiot. I made out hardcore with an employee last night in our banquet room. Oh and got wasted at work. Oh and showed my staff squirrel on a trampoline.
theyre selling pepper spray in the courtyard. hellooo atl
Admitting I go to nursing school is my subtle way of saying, yes, I know every muscle in your penis and how to effectively use them.
He's sobering up. It was really bad for like 45 minutes. He cried while telling me how he pictured us eating hotdogs on the beach together.
Now they're talking about doing whiskey shots since they're flipping the turkey over. You might need to drive me home.
Dude, didn't you know? Its balls out wednesday.
Kegstand on crutches, you need to get on my level.
Its official the day you get back into town we are having a going away to jail party for me. My last wish before prison is to shit faced drunk with you, get into a fist fight, and then cuddle up and fall asleep. Just like old times <3
At orientation, some girl is asking, loudly, where she can get weed. Everyone looks discussed but are paying very close attention to people's answers.
This tiny cat is tiny breathing with her tiny lungs and im having a tiny freak out. Like those lungs have to be super tiny.
She was hiding under the bed to surprise me with sex. But when you took your hookup in my room to bang things out, she thought I was cheating on her. So explain it to her douche.
They're letting me in by good graces, I can't show up with a fist full of dildos
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