How can something that makes you feel so good one day make you feel so bad the next?
Alcohol?
Sex with a fat chick.
wicked high...have munchies. cherry flavor lube. problem solved.
Ok I might come if this chair quits being so great...I'm also seeing this bush in the corner turn into a witch
I only have two new blunt burns this year as opposed to freshman year's 6. This is growing up.
Fuck buddy has no power. Invited her over to use my shower. I love hurricaines.
Shit, I may have left some acid in your bathroom last night. Has he been in there lately.
Stripperoke is exactly what it sounds...
I feel like everything I touch in this bar I'm gonna get hepatitis. my kinda joint
I will come to your office dressed as a bloody mary, hug you then leave is that a good plan?
yes. bring a barf bucket too. just. in. case.
I'm content with our "friends with accidental benefits" situation.
Ok, maybe playing "whose family is most dysfunctional" wasn't the best drunk idea we've had. Todd''s been crying in the bathroom for an hour. We can't get him out...
I don't need tinder boy anymore but I do need free sushi
i woke up between my boyfriend and his sister and i don't know if we fucked or cried together
I think you'll appreciate my way of waking up today: Under my cubicle, boxed in by boxes of printer paper, and hung over. I don't even know how the fuck I got in here in the middle of the night. I went to my car and fell back asleep. I'm now 2 1/2 hours late.
he offered to let me fuck his brother , of course im marrying him
Randomize
