time to smoke my breakfast
Oh and fyi, I've been drinking and about to do free weights. I'll late you know how this goes.
Someone shattered a urinal.
just did a beer bong in the shower while i was taking an actual shower its officially football time
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I know it sucks but it's just something that needs to be done though. Like shaving ur pubes or going to the dentist.
All i'm saying is it doesn't matter how drunk you were, at 26 years of age you should always remember to take down you pants before you shit in the toilet
There was confetti in my vomit this morning... Happy New Year!!
Just me, my martini, and my backup Martini.
NEW HOUSE RULE! If you make it in a chicks cleavage it's 3 cups and bra off.
BP at your house from now on.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Why the HOLY HELL is my dog on my roof??? Sam?? Why is the dog wearing my pants
Bra is off & I'm snuggled in a pizza. Adulting is good.
Also I ordered a dildo and I'm not sure if I want it still, so there might be a free dildo in your future
I’m mid 4sum and you’re sending me photos of your cat. We had very different evenings.
doc says my ankle might be broken, they're going to do xrays. He asked me what happened and I told him if he could find out that would be great.
Breakfast sounds amazing but can we do IHOP instead? I have to pick up a Plan B pill and there’s a CVS next to it
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