my boobs are a 3G dead zone. as soon as i take my phone out of my bra, it has a signal again.
What ever happened to making out with a few boob grabs here and there?
He called me "the Joe Montana of blowies." Not sure if that is an accomplishment or an insult, but going off of the amount of condensation on the windows of my car, I'm gonna just do a little touchdown dance and pass out.
yeah so i didn't even realize i was on meth until the next morning
we went to sleep in different beds and woke up spooning. alcohol truly is the anti-cockblocker.
Dude someone is playing the piano in the other room while I shit and it's making it really peaceful
You were demanding water from a bottle but I didn't have one..so I just took the water bottle from the hamster cage. You're welcome.
My only expectation is honesty. And three orgasms every time.
My going away gift was all of them dancing around with solo cups on their dick and balls...these are my friends
Well it's official, last night I hooked up with the third girl from the apartment downstairs.
Dude that's a hat trick!
I know, I tossed my hat on the floor as I was walking out.
I just saw my 7th grade teacher at the club. We had a pretty good talk over drinks. Turns out we both like dancing on tables.
I haven't gotten this high alone in a long time. I keep looking at the cat waiting for her to say something.
Lost my pants last night. Really need to stop taking shots of whiskey like I'm eating skittles.
No, Ethan, handcuffs and friendship bracelets are not "basically" the same thing.
His mom knocked on the door during morning sex because we were being too loud...now i have to meet her for the first time
Randomize
