If you were a Panda and I were a Koala and we had a baby, it'd be a falafel. Just think about that.
I have to tell you about my conversation with the cloud dragon!
i love that we sang a whole new world together while you carried me through campus
Dude you called me last night to let me listen to you piss in a cup and drink it. Just making sure you survived
After the VIP Latina experience at the strip club last night, I am rooting for Mexico in this years World Cup.
So I put about 15 worms in the cuervo bottle. I don't think that's how it works but I feel like hallucinating by 11am
We ate a mysterious delivered pizza which no one ordered and then the wii wouldn't work so 20 of us watched porn on two laptops. Drunk took the awkward away.
I feel like somebody ate me, then shit me into my bed.
I was dancing with a blow torch in one hand and a bowl of weed in the other
Okay, I just got to our real hotel and the YMCA may have been a better choice. A man w/ no shirt on
Nothing like banging your nurse in the shower while staying in the hospital
I just want to trick people into going on dates with me so they can bring back to their houses and let me use their wifi.
I'm currently on a bowling date with my girlfriend and her boyfriend. It's pretty fun.
We are never doing shots of gin. Never again.
I'm pretty sure that's exactly what we're doing.
Just walked into the supermarket puking into a plastic bag while wearing my favorite Bob Ross shirt. I am a human disaster.
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