hey, what are you doing tonight?
sleeping, g'night!
but i wanted to see you :(
sleeping! g'night!(801): i miss you!
stop - you have a right hand - use it!
the smoke from my cigarette strangely resembles what patrick swayzes ghost will look like.
I just caught myself doing the gator chomp to my tv. I need to get laid.
she literally hasn't taken the mardi gras beads off in three days. she showered in them. TWICE.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
They walked in to the store, ripped up the phone book, and left. Can we get on their level?
I can't decide if the sex was so good I couldn't move, or if it was me being loaded on all the morphine that they shot me up with at the ER.
On the oral sex Super Bowl board I drew 7 and 1. If I get lucky, someone will be swallowing during Madonna's half time. I'm sure she'd approve.
i ordered a pipe on amazon, and under recommended items, it gave me a top hat. it knows me better than my parents.
Half the people who compete die. All the rest either lose their minds or grow an innate fear of sharks, vodka, and fishbowls
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Oh and in case you were wondering it is not a good idea to eat weed brownies and then go out to the bar. When I got off the bar stool my high had just hit me and I felt like Bambi taking his first steps
Singing high school musical songs with an old Russian woman I met on the bus. What are you doing?
I just gave parenting advice and had a discussion about the distribution of wealth in america...in a bar. I'm starting to think its me and not you lol
Someone explain why I'm twerking in my bathroom right now before a charity run
we are eating waffles in the pillow fort. Still think you're too straight for a threesome?
I'll be right over.
So she was amazing, that's what. Idk if it was the blow or the blowjob, but both my heads are still tingling.
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