We made it safely. Thanks for the call though.
If Jimminey Cricket were here with me he would be so disappointed.
I checked for jungle juice on Weight Watchers. they didn't have it.
Sitting on the floor in my kitchen eating taquitos. Being this drunk the next day has lost its allure post graduation.
i think you're the only person in the world who masturbates to food network.
The good news is the house is clean, the bad news is someone redecorated the bonus room by spray painting "free willy" on the wall in honor of the girl who passed out in there last night.
It's the only time I've ever felt manly shitting myself
It's ok, I like adventure. Just ask my vagina.
Just got your message from Saturday. Shove all the kittens down your pants? Really?
I was emotionally compromised.
I'm gunna send you baby bottles of vodka for those nights when you just give up
The only thing I like when I am high is sex. And Cheez Its. But mostly sex.
Dude I'm at a Marijuana dispensary party. They are giving away BAGS of edibles
How do you keep ending up in these situations?
My dad is their accountant
Sounds like either a very good Friday night or a very bad Saturday morning.
When confronted with a choice of going home or fucking the band ALWAYS FUCK THE BAND!!
I'm at home 4 xanax deep watching She's all that.. no I don't want to go out. The couch is eating me.
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