is it weird that i feel like i won the break up because my status change got two comments and his got zero?
we've been at disney 20 seconds and she already got the cops called over
When she gives birth, I'm so playing 'Eye of the Tiger'
Is it bad that we're talking like nothing happened?
Ah. Blossoming love after wild blackout drunk sex.
Because if the best sex I've ever had was with a gay guy, then God help me.
This is all my moms fault. She shouldn't have encouraged my weird fascinations as a child
FYI If I die in my sleep it is because I drank a bottle of coke from 1986. I needed a mixer
Is it bad that all my wine bottles have teeth marks in the cork?
Cause a man that looks THAT good must have an ass that tastes like lucky charms
I'll be thirty in eight months. I think my goal is too stop changing my pants in the parking lot at work by then.
Bouncer came into the bathrooms to tell us the old one-person-per-stall rule, realised it was two girls banging, and left us to it. Lesbiperks.
Ever since I got to LA my dream self has been having sex with way too many rabbi's.
I just got yelled at by a stripper for being a tease.
MASS TEXT: Next weekend I will be in town for St. Patty's day. There will be a bonfire and liqour olympics. We will have booze but in order to participate it is byob. Upon arrival everyone will be asked to sign a waiver. I am not responsible for liver failure, death, loss of clothing or memory, bites, scratches, hickies, pregnancies, or any other for of injury you may obtain while participating. There will be ridiculous amounts of green glitter, be prepared to puke it up. ALSO WEAR SOMETHING GREEN OR YOU WILL BE PENALIZED!! AUTOMATIC 5 SHOTS. HAPPY GAMING!!!
I just kept eating and watching him slide down the stairs head first
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