Tonight we are playing Scuba-Keg. Getting keg now. I'll explain when i get home.
Ran into that hot funeral director in the bar two days after the wake. pretty sure we drunk made out.
Grandpa would have been proud
drunkie insisted on stuffing the rest of his scrambled eggs in his pockets before we left ihop. we really should have left a better tip
Postcard from jail please. Reserving a spot on my fridge.
Really? Uh ohh sounds like a double date with extra stripper funnnn
My mom got me high and then dropped me off at a church.
I've abandoned trying to find a logical explanation of your life.
I let my cat eat the pepperonis off of my pizza while I was still eating it. That's the level of tequila drunk I got last night.
God I adore you.
I WISH WE COULD PLAY THE DRINKING GAME TOGETHER AND THEN BANG FOR AMERICA.
Out of control sex drive for a girl? I just masturbated in the bathroom at my in-laws house before dinner....
Does me being hung over take away from how professional I can be today?
Walked in on my roommate covering his dick in blue frosting. Am staying with my folks for the Forth. See you Monday if the brain bleach works.
Just smoked the bong while taking a dump. I love living by myself.
I just sat on the floor of my shower for 20 minutes to punish myself for drunk me's decisions.
You like that 95% of the time I masterbate I think bout you?
Just wanna know what I can I do to earn the other 5%
You left your pants here again. 4th time in a row. How can you walk home without pants?
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