Damn. That makes sense
I know im like the sherlok holmes of sexual problems
I woke up this morning with "guy in polar bear j.crew boxers" written on my stomach along with a 5 digit phone number...
5 Four Lokos being cheaper than a case should be illegal.
Don't EVER smell your tampon
Here. I am here. I do not know where here is but it includes condom balloons, a keg castle, and a shaved goat. Do not find me...I am in post blackout heaven.
theres still like 7 beers in the gutter from the roof party we had last night. i dont know how we got up there. but we need to get those beers down.
i was debating whether to load antoher bowl when i realized i was holding a sandwich in one hand and a cookie in the other. and laughing.
Hey man, I found your crocs and your visor in the road. Got em for you.
How was the birthday sex?
Shit got outta hand. Honestly I think even my STDs have STDs.
You left something at the house but since I'm back home now so I can just mail it over. Address?
I didn't realize you could put dignity in a box these days.
Boss out of town. Had 2 beers for lunch, a long walk and a bowl...and then in he comes. Blamed obvious intoxication on my pain meds. Back at the bar. This is one of those bad judgement days.
tom claimed she had a star tattooed around her buttonhole. i am not prepared for this era of skankyness
If I don't singlehandedly make your gf realize she needs to straighten the fuck up or ruin your relationship before I leave I have failed you as a friend.
Wtf happened last night
You traded your bra for a shot so I'd say you probably don't wanna know
I believe the only reason I am slightly functional right now is the leftover drugs in my nose that I keep sniffing
Randomize
