i just ordered a pitcher of margaritas for me and a friend but she called and canceled. oh well, looks like im getting trashed alone.
the waiter who hardly speaks english told me "i go get your medicine now"
this medicine is soooo good.
i don't think you understand, blowjobs are like flowers for guys.
i'm already feeling the tequila hangover i'm going to have on friday
he asked if i wanted their team name to be " Amandas angels" or " Fuk budies" either way an intermural softball team of all my hook ups from spring semester is just depressing. convenient but depressing
well i just got discharged from the hospital after getting pegged in the head by a t-shirt gun so thats how my night was.
Life lesson: When you compete in an impromptu "bloody mary chug-off," in the end, no one wins.
Snorting lines of xanex off the back of my grandparents toilet before church. Thinking of u.
I'm more concerned with the fact that he was UNconcerned that live poultry could peck him in the nutsack @ any moment of sex
I just wanna be craddled in his arms and spoon fed applesauce..
that's the most romantic thing you've ever said.
I can hear my parents having sex. I REPEAT. I CAN HEAR MY PARENTS HAVING SEX! THIS IS NOT A DRILL!
Your mom is 55 and has MS. To be honest, I'm proud of her, and you should be too, bitch.
When I take mushrooms I can feel your presence down there. I can feel where Africa is too.
Just told some little girl not to judge me as I brushed my teeth in the target bathroom
Since I won't be making love with anyone on a bed of roses this year on Sunday I bought a Mustang to fill the gap
I can't find my keys and there's a hotdog in my purse.
Is it awkward to pay for your boob job with scholarship money? Either way, it's happening.
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