I thought at least he would want to exchange numbers after he tried to put it in my bum
he cried for an hour, then he threw up on my lap then started singing party in the usa...opera style...
you kept naming everything at the party...like "boy i'm going to make out with" and "table i'm going to dance on later"
You should get with him and swear you have to use lambskin condoms. That'll test his veganism.
Is 10 pm too early to booty call a freshman?
He just keeps repeating "this isn't my bagel".. i'm worried for his safety
I joked that if anyone could fuck a 35 year old woman while wearing head bands and arm sweat bands it's you and look what happens.
Yeah, tell that to my thumb. Cause it was up my ass all night waiting for you.
So this is completely apropos of nothing, but I have a feeling that a friend of mine might be a good match for you. Can I set you two up on a date? Oh, and it seems that we live a block away from each other and aren't having sexy times. This is ridiculous. By the way, there's a chance that I might be a tad drunk. Still though, there's a very *good* chance that you and Mr. X would get along.
I think I maybe realized he was too old for me when I went into his bathroom and he had anti aging face cream.
Hey. Im sorry to bother you but I just watched the seinfield episode about faking an orgasm and it caused me to second guess myself. Were you satisfied?
I can't believe he's mad at you for not remembering your fake anniversary.
Self reach around competition is what the Olympics has been missing all along. A true test of athleticism.
I got blackout last night and applied to be a banker
What? I'll do just about anything if you give me a sticker.
Randomize
