dude, despite what happened last night, I'm not gay
Our cab driver just admitted to beating up kids in the 60's who didn't smoke pot...
Going to bed. I have to wake up early and teach small children. And then have affairs with their fathers. I'm going to get deported.
The Fresno prostitute seemed offended all I wanted from her was directions back to the freeway.
You've got the short couch unless you find some girl to take you home
Challenge accepted.
Just used water from the fish tank for the bong. Thank you fishy.
Do you think he stole that soccer trophy that he gave you for the "best sweater award" from his five year old son?
I feel choking has become trendy-- ita losing its effect. I may just have to go back to missionary to spice it up
I'm drunk and you're awesome. let's stay this way forever.
Maybe next year when I'm 30 I will be over puking at lunch on Fridays. Maybe
To be honest I've become too lazy for the work involved in getting laid.
You run marathons and you're too lazy for sex? Priorities, man.
Touche.
Wikipedia just saved you three hours and $30 on a bar tab. You should donate.
$5. Donated.
I got the security footage. Thank you boobies!
He just said "I can't wait to penetrate you tomorrow" I sat in silence for a second...he attempted to save it by saying "I can't wait to enter you".
Im about to get an ultrasound of my balls. I hate waiting. Its the worst.
Randomize
