I really like him. That's why I'm having sex with someone else, so he doesnt think i'm a slut.
If you really hate me that much, you need to stop letting me put my penis inside of you. It sends the wrong message.
I just threw up, I'm either bulemic or pregnant, and I'm now accepting bets on which it is
Fell off bed. Face first. 10 stitches. huge scar on forehead. totally going to start telling ppl my parents died fighting Voldemort.
pre-gaming in the library. just gonna keep going until i'm too drunk to keep working and then i'll be there.
i've eaten like 19 popsicles... what the fuck have you done today?
Late night whataburger runs are great, except if you're the one that gets left black out drunk puking in the backyard drinking from the water hose
Blowing lines in the bathroom and trying to get into the mindset of someone who wants to be at work for 12 hours
I helped you wax your vagina and you won't even get me Corn Nuts you fucking bitch?
I'm more heavily invested in that tequila than you are
Hey beautiful no judgement but why is there a bucket of KFC chicken in the bathtub??
Ive decided to see your threat against my life as you flirting
He's perfect in every other way. Is buying him a cockring too forward or just honest?
Congratulations you now have a pet Scotsman.
I'm so gassy and it's your fault.
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