So I just went home and made my own spanx by cutting the legs off of a pair of nylons. I'm either a genius or missed my calling to live in a trailer park.
shit is crazy. i just keep thinking that this kid growing inside Emily used to live in my balls.
Oh my god. Oh my god. Oh my god. I drunk emailed a professor on friday. Oh my god. Oh my god.
i guess i finally out drove tiger woods this morning..
just saw a girl come out of the tanning bed room on crutches, now thats determination
we are learning about oedipus in english. fuck you for making this awkward for me
thankjk goddddn taco bell uis open htis lateee!
you do know it's eleven in the afternoon, right?
GOOD NIGHT DREAM OF ALCOHOL SNO CONES
Woah there. I lasted a semester and a fourth of college not having sex. trust me when i say keeping my virginity was an obstacle course of olympic proportions.
The virgin olympics. I would win the gold. For America.
I've come to the conclusion that the dicks in Arizona just don't have enough size for me.
I was just sitting on the ground alone in fetal position shivering and chewing on my hand when she found me. ecstasy was not my best idea.
He's just so adorable. And I don't want to fuck someone who's adorable.
Just once I'd like to do blow in a nice bathroom.
Nothing ends a night of heavy drinking better than banging to three six mafia in your own driveway
He played me Kanye.. Speaking my love language.. He got a well deserved BJ
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