dude, i look like john mccains neck right now
Dude she has a bf and shes on lockdown more than Nelson Mandela in 95
so I was like, you know platform 9 3/4? I know something else with those measurements. best. pick up line. ever.
FYI you just passed out mid-blow job. Consider this my letter of resignation.
I just found a bottle of gin in my vegetable crisper. Party is back on.
He's sobering up. It was really bad for like 45 minutes. He cried while telling me how he pictured us eating hotdogs on the beach together.
Her thighs are so strong. I thought my head was gonna get crushed when I was eating her out
did i walk over a car last night?
All I remember was after sex she kept trying to take pictures of my dick "for memories"
Got some good news and bad news about the hayride this weekend.
The good news is its still on, the bad news is we don't have any hay. The best news, if you drink enough you won't give a fuck that its just a trailer.
As he walked by me and gave me his dreamy smile full of dimples all i could think was 'I gave you chlamydia'.
Came home plastered at 8am. Roommate had hot glued all the ashtrays and various items to their surfaces. Couldn't handle it. Went back to the bar.
He told me"I think your ready for this" and went into his closet whipped out a movie certiffied light saber.
He told us a story about a time his 80 year old uncle karate chopped a dick in a glory hole.
We met behind our asshole boss's back with the intent to oust him from the company. If this revolution is a success, bring nachoes.
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