Your lack of dick hurts my anus. I hate your loverboy tactics.
one day john is going to snap and they are going to make a new show called "john and chainsaw minus 9"
There's some strange man with hair that keeps talking to us. I'm scared.
This is how horror movies start. Going to bar with strange hair guy. He's paying. Bad idea?
Ditched hair man. Got free cab ride to market. Want food. I win.
Security brought me back to our hotel room in a wheelchair last night. Vegas.
And if you ever tell anyone that I will fucking kill you.
first party of the semester tomorrow. thinking of wearing a huge sign that says "my summer was good" to avoid the 67 questions and get straight to drinking
I cant shower it involves moving...
Just lay there and turn the water on. At least rinse off the shame.
omg just made cake vodka jello shots, sooooo excited
dear god these taste like death. death and sprinkles
QUIT RUINING DICK PICTURE DAY
I can not be a lesbian living on Beaverland.
I was on etsy and I'm like those boobs look way too familiar
ROB LOWE. SO BEAUTIFUL. SO DOUCHEY. SO HARD TO SPELL HIS NAME WHEN DRUNK.
she was concerned about my dick piercings.
Did I try to sell your body for chicken tenders last night?
I met a guy last night who bought me a book on Amazon at the bar and then we had sex. Boners for books is a thing. Boom.
you never know when your going to find a surprise from me in your bed...it keeps you on your toes.
Randomize
