dude she has hot friends.. do you want blonde brunette or red head.. maybe asian?
what is this build-a-bear? .. just gimme one thats breathing
It's like God knew that was my ex's best friend and punished me. I've never vomited that much in my life.
I came home drunk to my night light on and a Hershey's bar on my bed. Mom knows me too well.
Meeting girls and telling em you have no hair on your calves is not an acceptable pick up line
If the cops knock on your door and ask if you saw anyone throw an orange out the window I was never there.
Because guys aren't supposed to cry. Especially when it's over a dude singing a Christmas carol.
Besides. I don't even really like sex because it feels great. I like it because for thirty minutes I own that guys ass.
We both fell asleep mid-handjob and he continued to call it "handjob halftime".
Weirdest drunk sex ever. His sweat dripped into my eyeball and then he looked down and asked me why I was crying. I went with it.
I'm sorry I tried to stab you. I just really wanted those mozerella sticks.
I just learned in class that female whales slap their fins against the water and then ten males come and fight for her yet we can't get guys to text us back
Please clarify that he is speaking of beer pong and not rough sex
Pretty sure we ruined a bachelorettes life last night
Finding my pants in the morning should not make me this proud
Goat in kitchen.....explanation?....
Randomize
