I hope that the reason I've been psycho on him is that I'm pregnant and not just psycho.
I think that the jello shots in bowls is where it all went wrong.
I feel like I just lived out a children's book called "The Day I Went to Law School Stoned"
Time for jim to play the "dont seriously consider pooping in the trash" game
I don't remember what you were saying to me in the bathroom. But whatever it was, yes, because i remember nodding a lot.
So after tonight I now have 6 Harry Potter movies left to get laid to. Before tonight it was 8. Fucking right
I'm about to have a bowl of Advils... without any fucking milk.
Who put the fucking tampon in my Mike's hard lemonade?
Omg my butt feels so much better. Those suppositories are magic. It feels like Jesus fingered me in my sleep.
A girl just invited me over for a blowjob and beer. Is this a trap?
I'm basically the yoda of knowing when someone wants to sleep with you
Despite how often it occurs, I have absolutely no interest in having sex with myself
i was ready to conquer the fucking world. i would have fought vin deisel to the death without hesitation
Well, I was arguably the most sober adult in the house by 1 in the afternoon, so I'd say Superbowl Shitshow was a success.
Im not as flexible as I once was, but I still managed to get eaten out in the front seat of a hummer behind keddies.
Randomize
