We can't ever have kids because there's a chance that they'll end up just like us.
Fat chicks shouldn't bartend
You know it was a challenge blowing out the candles. It was hard to think of a wish, while drunk, with a concussion.
Is percocet and coffee considered a balanced breakfast?
You tried to put a condom on my dog, then he ate it.
My dick can't jump between your dick and her mouth, man. It's impossible, I think.
I asked you if you wanted to go to the ER, have me sew it up or just wrap it in duct tape and keep on keepin on. You just said YES. I remember very little after that.
You're a good friend.
I found him on the floor in the kitchen eating cheese and tomato. I mean a block of cheese and whole tomatoes, he was alternating. Thats why your cheese has teeth marks.
I am seriously thinking about wearing a blanket as a cape. So when I pass out tonight the blanket might keep me warm.
Well, our assistant supervisor caught us on the back stairs...he invited us on a double date with his fiance and him. I guess our job approves of the relationship?
I swear to god if I see a single piece of genitalia I'm driving back to LI and smacking you back to the Italian Renaissance
You now have the mental image of me flying off into the sunset with no pants
What the World Series means to me is that I've slept with too many giants fans.
The guy I slept with in AZ just called and is moving here next week.
You just thought it would be a good idea to show your penis to your best friend. No harm, no foul.
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