You took all of my sister's dolls and threw them out the window and then you started talking to her etcha sketch and mr. potato head. I later found you passed out in front of Toy Story and it all made sense.
You all can go fuck yourselves. As far as I'm concerned, don't come back to karaoke.
We shared that special kind of eye contact that can only be experienced when you know one party is saying "Oh god, I fucked him in the back seat when you were in the front, didn't I."
Kinda wish I banged him. I need the exercise.
What are you doing and how can I add sex in there
I also found a beer label in my bra and I'm pretty sure you put it there and said "this means I trust you"
Haha yeah that's basically it. He was like "i've always had a thing for you, and even sober i still would do and feel the same way." so glad to know i am worthy of a sober hookup as well.
Ive only just recently decided that NOT fucking you would be best for both of us.
I'm watching Pretty Woman alone and weaving a basket for Fiona. This is my life.
Drunk assassins creed leads to explaining to my father that "it was only a steak knife in the arm"
Both guys that I'm dating were waiting for me in the parking lot after work. Literally the most awkward situation I have ever been in
I smell like a brewery and I have been drinking for 7 hours. This seems like a perfect time to tell my husband I want a divorce.
I just want to order a very large pizza and get very drunk and very laid.
Nah, i wasn't offended. Having a bridesmaid who you had had multiple threesomes with your future husband would be weird.
You were painting for six hours and managed one four foot wall. "The Mellow Handyman" isn't a good business model.
Randomize
