two of my INSANE ex girlfriends just texted me saying their coming over because im home alone. needless to say, im deleting my twitter.
There are walks of shame and then there are walks of what the hell is wrong with you.
Dong worry about me. I just cashed bottle of wine when I found out he was in town, I'm being dramatic. I'll text you tomorrow when I'm sober and my face stops bleeding
there's a barbecue in the shower. I'd like to know who got this to fit inside perfectly. impressive
The problem is drunk me is completely unaware how poor I am
He said i got a new job lets blow this money he bought 4 bottles at the club he is now crying after seeing the reciept
I don't know who's more excited for you to come home. Me or my vagina
Just watched two people have sex in the pool. Hope you enjoy your yeast infection courtesy of the comfort inn.
I gave him a bj as a thank you for helping. I think that's good.
When Pitbull's songs sum up your life... you know it's time for some serious life changes.
We discussed how many times we've passed out during sex. The answers may shock you.
The sun is out, the birds are chirping, I made some brownies, I'm not pregnant
This is literally what my 13-year old cousin said to me this morning.
IN OTHER NEWS did you guys see Orlando Bloom's penis today? I did
I feel like I should have held a press conference. The state of my vagina
The magnum condom fits. I feel like a manly version of cinderella
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