I typed "housewife" into monster.com's search engine....I got zero results...kinda bummed
Dude totally calling you out on watching when harry met sally on netflix on demand on april 8th.
I told him I don't date guys unless they play a musical instrument. So, he's here and he brought a kazoo.
I feel like the other woman.
You ARE the other woman.
What was she thinking? I'm not in the business of charity fucks anymore.
There's jack Daniels coming out of my eyes instead of tears.
So I ripped my crotchless fishnet body suit when my drunk ass tried to crawl through the crotch to put it on.
When Pony by ginuwine plays I pretty much just grind on the nearest penis.
He's not replying to my booty call. Like wtf. You have ONE PURPOSE IN LIFE.
Your brother slept on my deck. There was a key under the mat. Relapse party success.
This is why you are going on a date. To see if he is fun or if we need to shank him in the parking lot.
I just got back like 5 minutes ago, I have two champagne bottles that I carried with me on the train home and a Dunkin donuts coffee cup full of stolen butter, I've been in a windowless room for the last 6 hours, time does not exist
what is your life
Free champagne that's what
sometime during the night he found me in the empty hotttub singing marvins room in only my bra.
she wants homewrecking advice
are you gonna teach her your ways?
obvs. i'm like her yoda.
Ha. Yeah that's all I found you with this morning. Butt ass naked w my robe across your lap and your arms thrown back in handcuff position.
Randomize
