I woke up this morning and I couldn't find my coffeetable. wtf?
dude, best porn name ever, "the Hunt for Red Cocktober"
i just found five singles in my underwear?! im suspicious but delighted none the less
How are you going to pay for strippers in Vegas when you were just begging for McDoubles?
i knew she was high when she broke up the cookies into her glass of milk and ate it like cereal
Between the two of us weve fucked every guy at this table
but you must be fair and judge his penis by normal penis standards and not let your vision be clouded by the rare gem of a penis you have recently encountered
I still have a scar from the last time she gave me a handjob. There is NO WAY i'll stick my dick anywhere near her again
I had phone sex with a retiree last night. This is not how I envisioned my 20s going...
I have a hunch Mama J got around.
Am I allowed to say that about my own mom?
Sorry, I thought I responded to your question. My name is Jon, we kinda had a sleepover at your friends place in OC. Don't know if you remember me, you were "dick chugging" like there was no tomorrow last night.
When do you sleep by the way. I was surprised when I went to work at 1 am,left at 7 am and had a text from you somewhere in between
I just vodka nap now...
I needed to bring way more fireball to class to match this professors intensity
I've spent so much time on tinder lately I just tried to left swipe an instagram photo of my neighbor
I might have to quit marching band. It's affecting my drinking schedule
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