got some bad news about ur virginity. she didnt make it thru the night
You were mounting an escalator last night, shouting "I have no health insurance" at people
were lost, were cold and we don't know what to do with the stray cat we found.
All i remember was you crying naked on the bathroom floor because you were cold. I got you a blanket and you kept kicking it off and crying because you were still cold.
Alas, very true. I'll sell some of my eggs and give you like 10%
And with my 90% I'll get a scooter with a sidecar. And a pony. Also with sidecar.
Hey had an urgent voicemail from the Illinois national guard....have you been using my identity for your blackout weekend?
Yes and yes
you left saying you wanted to "go piss on that girl's doorstep" and we didn't see you the rest of the night
that actually explains a lot
I get that he's ugly and I deserve better but I will still beat up the girls he hangs out with.
how many people can say they bit their tattoo off?
Kyle found me outside his apartment in the hallway. Said he didn't hear me knock bt smelled alcohol through the door. I'm sucha bitch to my liver
you know i have almost 1500 fb friends but not ONE drunk booty call?
There is not enough whiskey in the world to get me through what happened on Pretty Little Liars tonight.
First world problems.
He sent me a 2am email the just said "Ping". Nerdiest booty call ever.
We were getting breakfast he shit himself in the middle of ihop. Mid bite he just yells out o fuck.
She used to be cute, back when we were young.
Oh well, so were platform jellies. Shit changes.
Randomize
