dude. how can brian from family drink at fucking bars? he's a dog and definitaly doesn't have pockets.
The liquor store is having an inventory reduction sale. It would be a sin not to stop and help them out.
And we all know God doesn't like sinners.
Amen.
She tased me when I walked in the door. Thought I was trying to steel her weed.
I heard about the break up and if you need a place to stay my vagina is open for you 24/7
He's dressed as a power ranger handing out cocaine
i accidenteley seduced the christian girl's brother so i dont think we can count on free church picnic food again
He would drink pee if it was in a beer can
I put you to bed and you would not go unless I let you sleep with the vodka
Forgot my sound was off and didnt even realize it until halfway through because I thought I could hear it. I think high me just narrated half a clip of adventure time
I'm in a dress, surrounded by Republicans, and the bartender just told me he's "out of Jack Daniels" in a very accusatory tone. Shit, is it only 8 PM?
I asked him why I was having sex with him in the middle of having sex. It was sufficiently awkward.
I didn't wake up drunk this year...I must be getting soft
Yeah I guess quad-fisting Miller Lites just isn't as effective as it used to be
I just want to meet a nice normal guy that doesn't want me to taze him while we have sex. . . . .is that too much to ask for?
Somehow I don't think offering me edibles is what dad meant by checking in on me
They're the hard candy kind!
No, I told him I was busy again this weekend. Eventually he’ll learn. Plus, absence makes the cock grow harder
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