yep. he's not circumcised. how did it take me six months to realize THAT?
Not just anyone can homewreck on three continents simultaneously
you are my hero
You owe me a new pair of headphones. You plugged mine into the top of a mustard bottle.
He googled "how long will i be drunk" and just started crying
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
HOW DID U BEAT A GAY GUY IN GAY CHICKEN?
i feel sorry that you can never enjoy the feeling of shaved balls
Just got a picture message from my sister of the two of us wearing cowboy hats and pressing our bare asses together. Do you remember enough to explain?
Just received a visit from the Ghost of Bad Decisions Past. Kind of weird 90% of the flashbacks happened in the same sixteen month span, the rest happened at Taco Bell.
It's okay, I found my phone in the toaster oven. Logical explanation: 5 martinis
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I know how I'm going to make my fortune.. designing an icepack made specifically for the vagina.
Ski vacations are for hooking up with randoms. It's like I don't even know you
oh my god I have a fantastic druncle story to tell you. It involves a burrito, a meltdown and a bear
The burrito and meltdown are standard, but I'm intrigued by the bear
In case you're wondering what frozen hashbrowns taste like at 4 in the afternoon, shame. They taste like shame.
Ugh a 13 year old just asked me why people drink, I had to explain it without making it sound good. I need a drink.
I could be the Kenny Powers of Sex Therapists.
Randomize