you know you're not getting laid when you start breaking awkward silences with quotes from Robot Chicken
I've slept with so many tools that you'd think my pussy was Home Depot.
ashley and jimmy are about to have sex on degrassi.... EVERYONES GETTING LAID BUT ME
last night he was wasted watching Entourage and changed everyone in his phone book to LLOYD!!!!
wait can you just look around please? that was my favorite bra and i've already asked like 3 other guys
Some fat girl belted her graduation gown. That is not a good look for anyone.
Let's just say, at one point i got woken up at 4am by a naked guy who was offering me steak, in a cup.
Did I send you an asleep facebook message about the upcoming football season titled 'BRILLIANT' at 4:45 this morning?
We got to the party at eleven, and the host was already in the hospital from being stabbed. And she brought the stabber home with us when we left.
I am not sure which is more amazing; The fact that she offered me sex, beer AND nachos, or that she can properly use a semi-colon at her current blood alcohol level.
Dave used his AAA card to get my car towed to my house so I could get drunk. Evil genius.
He said I kept trying to give him directions back to my house in Rhode Island, and that I started crying when he told me I live in Phoenix.
Idk. It's not appealing to me. Like don't get me wrong, I love ur dick A LOT but I don't want to stare at it on an iPhone screen
It's gotten to the point where waking up in my own apartment is a surprise
He wants to buy me a wedding ring and pretend to be married to someone else when we fuck. It actually makes me wet thinking about it.
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