I'm pouring my heart out in these texts and you're going around showing everyone???
You all can go fuck yourselves. As far as I'm concerned, don't come back to karaoke.
you gave the police officer your chanel wallet and said 'just keep it the i.d. is fake too'.
I wish I could go about my daily activities with his dick inside me
dude, you cant keep using "she roofied me" as an excuse to bang all these fat chicks
Yea idk it was like early in the morning and you were walking around with no shoes carrying a printer
Reason 37 booty call break ups suck: I literally could not find his house in the daytime.
We found her on the doorstep. Just layin down going, "I made it home!! Aren't you proud??!"
We fed him just...so many bright colored crayons when he was blacked out. I hope he looks at his shits because this could be all for nothing
We put your drunk ass to bed. 10 minutes later we heard you scream "DICK-PUNCH!!!" It was immediately followed by a shriek of pain and crying. So to answer your question; no, that's not "sex soreness".
It was like coming out my mothers vagina again in slow motion
When he identified himself as captain clitoris i knew my night was fucked.
We can use the Mac n cheese as the potatoes in our breakfast burritos. Problem solved.
like, there were so many other better not terrible choices you could have made, so i'm honestly baffled that you managed to fuck up that bad
I texted him: “Come over for the Super Bowl. I promise lots of scoring.”
My divorce is turning into a porn script
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