The best was having to tell my 16y/o cuz and her bf that we could see him fingering her in the inner tube. Lucky for them, I'm the cool cousin... and was river-level fuckedup.
I like how the only thing you spelled correctly is "i'm tequila"
When I came home you were using a glowstick to eat peanut butter from the jar.
four loko is officially banned. leave it to the kids from a state school to fuck it up for everyone
I feel like it'll be a success as long as she doesn't end up dead in a ditch. There has to be a line somewhere.
It was fine until he came back to my place, grabbed a beer, HIGH-FIVED me, and left.
You're alright. You just passed out while we were having sex. Then I'm pretty sure you peed. So I went home.
Everyone is speaking Spanish and this 300 hundred pound chick is talking about the time she got out of prison... Fuck this place
I smoked that joint really fast and now I'm so high I'm crawling around on all 4 giving my dogs piggie back rides pretending its the macy day parade for dogs and I'm their giant human float.
he won't tell me his last name, but I know his garage key code
also I have no idea whose underpants I'm wearing right now but they're super comfy and I'm not giving them back ever
Maybe not Elvis quality pharmaceuticals...But some good stuff
My mom found my empty case that I hid in my room and just said "now why don't you be a responsible underaged drinker and throw it in the recycling" and walked away. I'm in shock.
Long story short I shit on a sidewalk while walking with multiple people. Then sprinted around the streets of Tallahassee in only gym shorts as I tore my toga off and wore it as a cape.
Just had a small freak out because I couldn't get my bra unhooked and thought I was gonna be stuck in it forever.
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