I'm trying this new thing, it's called standards
I think I found an E pill under the couch.. Or really bad tasting candy. Check back in 30min this could get exciting
I can't think of anything besides pubic hair fallout. Ugh.
I hope the dean has a raincoat on because I'm prolly gonna throw up on him when I get my degree
Do not shit in our house. There is no TP. I am walking to get more, if I do not return, I have probably died of dysentery after my last wagon wheel got stuck in a gulch. Tell Martha and Lou Ann that I love them, and that I passed away doing the Lord's work.
I'm going through a really dark time right now
I don't want to hear it man. I just jerked it to a pic of my ex wife in a bikini. Buck up
woke up next to the new dishwasher. set the record for banging a new employee to 6 hours...i should be a professional sexual predator
Got laid at work. Yes, AT work, why they let me run this tennis center by myself speaks to their poor judge of character.
I woke up this morning half naked, smelling like an ash tray, with an empty bottle of jack next to me, and now someone named Dora the anal explorer is texting me.
How about we just have a naked taco night instead?
Also- should we send out holiday cards? That say, "Eat a dick, 2014"?
Well, I can't remember Thursday and my left ass cheek hurts like hell, I'm guessing Mike's bachelor party was a success.
i told someone my fallback plan was to be a slutty bartender and i needed the practice as i straddled them to pour a shot
It does not feel like it was just this morning that I had a penis in multiple cavities of my body
Everyone else's "needs" are getting in the way of my alcoholism.
Randomize
