Did you just throw up mid-sentence?
other girls like to lick balls but none of them live for it like u do
So i told him he was the 3rd i have ever slept with and then i found out he had actually slept with 5 other girls besides me. And his reply was well your number one on this hand.
he came in the shower with me...i thought it was going to be nice and romantic...until he started peeing on my leg.
Just please never masturbate in my bed again. I'm burning my sheets as I write this.
He did a 4 wheel burnout and yelled at the cops "Sorry! It's for a school project!". HOW does he think of this shit?
The only way I can describe the noise he makes when he has an orgasm: dying walrus.
Just you wait I'll be crying and puking everywhere in no time
Dave, I love you but you're barking up the wrong lesbian. You sir are the competition. You don't threesome with competition.
2012 needs to end already. I've exceeded my quota for People Who Have Accidentally Seen My Tits.
New Mean Girls drinking game: Everytime someone says Africa or Math, chug.
I need to stop getting high and watching documentaries. Wanna go to Japan with me and protest the mass genocide of dolphins?
Is using cherry lube as jam shameful or hilarious
Yeah, sometimes it takes a while to realize, wow you kind of suck and not in the fun way
Slept with a member of the band last night, found out today after extensive stalking he’s engaged. Pro tip: don’t research one night stands.
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