I wish life was like dora the explorer where dancing pigs appear out of nowhere to solve your problems for you
how do i tell her that i need alcohol to fuck her but at the same time i cant get a hard on with alcohol.
Went from beach to class to bar all while wearing my swimsuit as pants. Clearly I'm dressed for success.
I feel like wearing underwear would just be poor planning
Just picture a dyson vacuum with razor blades. That's how it felt.
the number of desperate girls at the gym right now is unfair. it would be cruel not to let one blow me.
I gave up yolo and cigarettes for lent. I owe god a sincere apology.
That gas station is used for only two things, picking up moonshine and getting murdered. Only two outcomes.
Literally everyone in the bar was absolutely hammered out of their minds. I swear I even saw the bartender swigging jd when he thought no one was looking. And there was me thinking Britain was the booziest nation in the world.
Welcome to America. You're gonna love it.
I woke up and found a stick of butter in my pocket. There's no butter in the house so I don't know who's it is. Using it to make cookies.
Hey guys guess what I found in my bed this morning? I wish it was a man..but it was a potato
Just made out with the guy who gave me my tour. Full circle college win.
This is stupid. I am not getting knocked up from fucking in his backseat behind a starbucks. I refuse.
It's a special kind of bond when your gay brother takes pics of you topless at a frat party.
he called me his ex's name during sex then proceeded to cry while still in me
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