When are you freeeeeeeeee?
My phone auto corrected that to freeeeeeeeeedoooooooooom. That's kinda awesome.
Why would you say my penis is small in front of so many people?
Her sex list was a LOT longer than mine. She tried to justify it by saying '4 of those don't count because they were in the gang bang'.
his cum tasted like old pizza and looked like old milk
I ended up staying at a police station for being a witness in a public masturbation case..NOW do you believe me that I've never had a good St. Patrick's Day?
I'm sorry I kept calling you a pussy... but to be fair, you were being a pussy.
We need to pull ourselves out of this slump. We need dick and lots of it. We are going to fuck our way to happiness.
I think that the jello shots in bowls is where it all went wrong.
He might not have any marketable talents, but the kid dry humps like no other.
I threw up for like 20 hours. Im gonna be the DD for the next 5 years.
Dude you better come get your girl, she's sitting here eating a tub of pasta salad muttering to herself about gypsies.
Which is worse that I came in public or that no one noticed?
i was making a gravity bong in my room and my dad walked in. he helped me finish. i love being home for the holidays.
Ya’ll! My debit card got switched with my boss’ at lunch today (both Red Wells Fargo)....I realized it at whole foods AFTER I ran it for $100 at Vanity Room getting my vaj waxed 🤦🏻♀️🤦🏻♀️🤦🏻♀️. Most awkward IOU ever tomorrow.
I would never blame a unicorn for anything.....how dare you
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