Gonna get hammered and start online dating men in prison. But... only the ones who get out within two years.
Girl's gotta have her standards.
Her parents came home early, i had to hug her mom with a condom on...
the only plus side is that now I'll be able to tell my son not to trust the condoms that his college gives away..........
If youre the one that ate my brownies this morning I only have two things to say to you
Those had pot in them
And good luck on your interview asshole
We went to his house and he brought a jar of pickles to bed. I think im in love.
Hey they cleaned all the blood out of the elevator. Also could you pick up some nachos?
she just pulled a hulk hogan to make her point. no idea how it helped
Oh and you pulled your pants down outside in front of like five people, held my hand, then peed.
i'm not sure when i reached "slam my own hand in the door" status but my half attached fingernail is not grateful.
I just saw the Mona Lisa in the background of a porno. Whole new appreciation for art. fuck you I'm cultured.
Male strippers are involved. You are coming
I'm so high that I'm intently watching my neighbor move his car back and forth in order to put his motorcycle in the garage, and getting irritated that it seems so complicated.
I told him we can’t see each other today because absence makes the heart grow fonder but mostly I just need to rest my vag
I was puking for like ten minutes when I realized my parents were fucking in the shower and were afraid to come out
What are you feeling right now?
Idk. I just flashed a porch 🤷🏼♀️
So not in the best place to do an emotional inventory
Randomize
