I'll have you know...trying to masturbate while a song about jesus is stuck in your head is next to impossible
My superpower would be to be able to make a chick instantly start her period just by thinking about it
If there was chocolate on Regis Philban's dick, I would totally lick it off. That's how desperate I am for some right now.
No, a stripper letting you buy her dinner is not the same as a girlfriend.
i know we're in college but you cant booty call me at 3 in the afternoon. i dont care how drunk you are.
i convinced her that her period would come back if we did it doggy style
It took us hanging out like four times to kiss. Id like to fuck you before I'm 30
How many folks do you know who bring coke to a dinner party. Seriously.
Be still, my beating vagina.
Why are you always at the walk in clinic, Lady Chlamydia?
You're not allowed to make that my permanent nickname.
You can't start the super bowl without starting a kitchen fire making cole slaw. Its unamerican.
I don't even want to know
I guess crabs is what I get for sleeping with my ex.
After 7 months of nothing.. shall we throw your vagina a party? as its reinstatement into society?
and than he said 'I did amateur porn for a while' and I just knew tinder did not fail me this time
Shit day. Some kids decided to open my car at 3 AM while I was at work and the alarm went off. I went after them with a sword but they were minors so I didn't kill them.
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