We traveled between two mile markers in 18 seconds. Do the math.
That's kind of creepy but I guess since I'm wearing your dad's pants nothing is off limits anymore
no weekend plans? you're practically married
just without the last name or joint bank account
i'd advise against both
Just passed a Taco Bell Taco Supreme, still in its wrapper, laying in the grass. I'd like a moment of silence.
May it rest in peace.
frankly if you're gonna get kicked out of your place, hooking up with your gay roommate's boyfriend would be the most entertaining way to do it.
she reminds me of the first time i discovered masturbation. that's how you know it's true love.
This girl just swallowed a pealed banana whole. I'm not worthy.
HOW LONG TILL THESE DRUGS WEAR OFF. I WORK IN ONE HOUR, I REPEAT, I WORK IN ONE HOUR.
Do not deep throat a rocket pop, it WILL go into your lungs, and you may die.
The acoustics in my bra are fantastic.
you know it's a good party when the fucking floor caves in. THE FUCKING FLOOR.
Just gave my pregnant cat a safe sex talk. That high.
There is a chick wearing some guy's shirt wrapped around her waist as a skirt... She's flashing her panties to everyone as she sings karaoke. You need to get here.
When one of my seniors asked "Rough night?" I realized my poor decisions involving Tuesday night drinking did not go unnoticed.
If one more person says Merry Christmas to me I’m going to take a pen out of my pocketbook and stab them in the eye
Randomize
