well recently, every guy I have hooked up with has been economy sized
If you die in college, do you die in real life?
its always fun the next morning to look around the room and see where all the clothing landed.
everyday i am more and more thankful i can still check the no box for "have you ever been convicted of a felony?" on applications
swear to god, just saw some chick dressed in a full chicken costume buying eggs and telling the cashier that she "just wants her babies back."
buy whatever she's on. a lot of it.
I'm sitting at work trying to dust glitter off my pants. I can't hang out with her anymore.
I may or may not already be in your hot tub when you get home. I have a key to your house and no shame.
By the way anyone who is willing to be in the film while tripping gets free shrooms.
So I just sent my ex a video snap chat of me getting head from some Venezuelan hottie with the caption I still love you. Think she'll take me back?
Sometimes a man just deserves to get woken up with a blowjob.
I'm sorry for chipping my tooth on your vagina last night :(
I'm not gonna plow a chick in front of her 14 year old brother....
Why is there a trampoline for sale in my front yard?
Yeah. Of all the things to be cock blocked by a plague is the most unexpected.
Did we go to Florida? My missing thong and DL just arrived in the mail. Return address was Tampa.
Randomize
