He just turned on a sound machine. I need to get the fuck out of here.
names aren't important. just tell him all you want is a lil make out sesh and keep it moving.
Dudes got a Polo tattoo. I don't care if he has a yacht I can't handle that level of gay.
The girl in the white might have stds. I'm strangely okay with this.
Gave the kid in the wheelchair at the bus stop a beer and proceede to lift him on the bus. porch drinking brings out the best in everyone
She's "threw gas on the fire to put it out" drunk. Come retrieve ur gf. Ps she smells like burnt hair
And everyone was looking at me because it was cold and I was drunk and may have screamed "oh fuck" ... You know what, fuck that. What do people think they're getting at Denny's 2 in the morning
I think he's holding my wallet hostage because I puked in his car. It's not my fault he has child locks on his windows..
This is why you have to watch more Zombie movies- to prepare for End Times...
I'm not wearing pants, but I'm wearing a tiara.
My ultimate hope is that people will hug me, smell me, and therefore think I'm classy.
Sorry I had sex in your backseat while everyone was in the car
It's quite alright. I found his shorts in my backseat, not sure what he was wearing when we dropped him off
also, when i showed up he started talking to me and eventually asked me if the girls treated me well. i went on to talk about my sex life. he was talking about his secretaries.
I think my brain is throwing up inside my head. How do you live like this?
Don't drink and try to take a shower. I thought I was drowning
Randomize
