oh God, I have a dick of a middle schooler
The guy at McDonald's just told us there is no flash photography allowed.
If I die on my trip, you're my chosen person. Nightstand-vibrators. Computer-iphoto naked pictures. I hope you feel honored.
And i didn't ask you to do that, You showed your penis at your own free will.
Who ate shrimp cocktail in my bathroom last night?
Just paid off my possession ticket on 4/20. Helloooo awesome.
He wore nothing but a Speedo and a tie to the party. It was great. Everyone was looking at him like "this kid's the best"
The funny part was that the cop pulled us over cause the park was closed, not because I had just come up from giving the guy a blowjob when the cop drove by.
It's something I can't competently describe without making sex sounds.
I literally just told you I found out I masturbate in my sleep. I think we can be snapchat friends again
DO I FUCKING *LOOK* LIKE SOMEONE WHO HAS THEIR ACT TOGETHER!?!? THE ANSWER IS "NO"!
I RAN OVER A NUN! I RAN OVER A FUCKING NUN! GOD WILL NEVER FORGIVE ME FOR MY SINS NOW!!!
I don’t know whether to call out sick or call in drunk
I'll bring spiced rum
I am not drinking that devil juice
The highlight of my week is I found some hetero porn I didn't completely hate. Branching out.
Randomize
