You screamed, "I am going to fuck this cheeseburger". They all started laughing until you actually started having sex with the cheeseburger.
He is drunk texting me begging me not to tell my mom. Pretty sure he is about to offer me sexual favors for keeping my mouth shut. I love being the boss's daughter.
you were passed out in your cheese fries by the time he brought out your second order of french toast.
Is it awkward to ask someone I've slept with to officiate my wedding?
On monday, while we were having crazy monkey sex, I earned $82. Vacation pay rocks.
Well it was tamer than the 4th of july when I blew that guy I met walking home from the fireworks
All I remember is passing out with an umbrella over my head and waking up screaming bad luck for seven years
You gave your boss a bj to get the safe employee of the month award?
In related news... Actually, nope. I don't have any orgy-related news. You win.
He was making a joke about signing my name on this piece of paper. He has a whole bucket filled with names on pieces of paper. I think thats how he keeps count.
How you doing tonight? I got my butthole licked so i cant complain.
If you find my integrity anywhere, please tell it to come back home
He saw me naked after our first date and still asked for a second.. so I think we’re doing good
Just got back from a Walmart run. The music went straight from Kid Rock to John Phillip Souza. If that doesn't scream 'MURICA I don't know what will. Happy 4th!
you tried to make the parrot smoke your joint
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