so he came in my eye... should i throw out my contacts?
ask if his dick looks like a sausage. alex's bro told me that's a sure sign. btw took pain pills. maybe shouldn't listen to me.
Hes a 32 yr old divorced sailor that calls me almost every night drunk begging me to call him big daddy. I think i might need to change my number.
You told me I was special while we were having sex and I asked why.
What did I say?
Don't ask me questions while I have an erection,
I am telling you that nothing wakes you up like stomach acid exiting your nostrils at 10AM
i woke up in his bed to a "teach your baby to read" infomercial. i pray to GOD that's not a sign
the whole "pretend to be sober/pull it together for my family" thing really blew up in my face when i threw up into my pillowcase.
His mom always writes on my facebook right after we have sex. it's like she knows. with her scary mom psychic powers
So hungover. Walked into room and poached their catering before realized in wrong place. Scowled and ate it anyway
She had a belly button piercing in the shape of a cross. Talk about mixed messages.
Why put me through the conflicting battle of being happy for your vagina but sad for my vagina for no reason ahole
Man, you got so high you own goaled yourself in FIFA then got up celebrating.
Clearly you've confused me for someone who has their shit together, and honestly I have no idea how you did that.
And the last thing I remember was you in the bed with the german guy screaming "wrong hole" I laughed n passed out
Hi. I have frying pans taped to my feet. I achave to go the hospital, theyre on pretty tight. Can't feel legs bring me juice
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