look no pants
I want to have your abortion
So they call this "a walk of shame" but fuck that...this walk is fantastic. What kind of debbie downer came up with that name?
My dealer, who also happens to be a male stripper, just invited me to watch him perform tonight. Boundaries buddy, boundaries.
i found the one person in the world who takes longer to cum than i do... mutual dissatisfaction is probably not the best foundation for a relationship.
I mean I drunk but not enough to handle a Scientology convention
I'm silent, like a masturbating ninja.
Jen's arm is stuck between a wall and her bed. She's naked and needs someone to go help her.
This costume is too restrictive. The priest and I cannot get it on while I am wearing it.
i hope you're proud of yourself! i just had to ask my boss to put ointment on the rugburn on my back. clothes hurt!
Well I woke up at my house so that's a plus. But I'm pretty sure I peed on my sofa because I woke up in the pee position.
I FUCKED THE WRONG FRIEND HELP ME
My roommate taped his phone to the ceiling fan to simulate walking so he could hatch Pokémon. Lazy people will always find a way.
Usually it's tequila, or vodka. But today was just the devil
when part of the plan includes getting high, i usually forget how the rest of the plan goes.
Randomize
