she started talking about my kids
was she topless?
halloween costumes for girls are easy, slutty teacher, slutty cop, slutty nurse, etc...
exactly, that's why i want something interesting
slutty neuroscientist?
hey quick question, what would you consider to be a "first date" porn?
I think I just agreed to be an escort for an Asian guy who's gonna be in the city next weekend before he moves back to Shanghai...
we were walking and you spelled the word "oats" to prove you weren't drunk.
first party of the semester tomorrow. thinking of wearing a huge sign that says "my summer was good" to avoid the 67 questions and get straight to drinking
I just saw a douchebag with frosted tips & a LaCoste polo with popped collar driving a Call of Duty edition Jeep. It was a cavalcade of stereotypes.
It's a goat... but where the fuck did it come from?
I can't promise that. They just put an extra shot in my margarita.
He is currently in a meeting and I am sexting him in Italian
And he's using Google translate to reply. Who says cross country relationships can't be fun?
Best part of leaving the university? Interns are as hot as my former students, not legally off limits, and they will do anything for a full time job.
I feel like I might be the only person I know who eats bundles of radishes in-between orgasms from their vibrator.
This is a mass text. Who in the hell shat on my stairs last night?
hey if my parents say thanks for the meatballs just go with it ill explain later
So what if is hockey, you don’t turn down sex with a professional athlete. They work out all day and have amazing stamina. Your vagina will thank you!
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