Why did I call the Oregon Department of Transportation at 4:30 in the morning, and who did I talk to for three minutes?
If a cop asks you "Where do you go for fun?", it's not a pick up line...especially if he just pulled you over.
if you google earth my address you can see me getting out of my car. finally my moment of being famous
I just overhead some girl saying that she's trying out for the real world so she has a backup if she doesn't get into teach for america...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i'm at the gym and so are four guys who have seen my tits. i need winter break.
I blacked out the second time 3am rolled around. My brain was taking a beating trying to do that math.
That's two mile stones in one shot. A ginger and that's my third ashley.
he referred to his penis as the bashful dwarf from snow white
i'm sad to say... seems like women around here set up their armageddon booty calls ahead of time. wanna fill all these condoms with tequila and head downtown???
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He's so urbane and sleek; so aesthetically chiseled, having endless features to offer me whenever I desire.
Are you fucking a guy or a condo building?
You have a husband. I have a bag full of electronics. This, is the single life.
She was wearing a grass skirt and a watermelon bra. WATERMELONS.
After we had sex he went to the kitchen, came back with a bag of funyuns and ate them buck ass naked in his bedroom doorway. Had no idea how to react to that one.
I'm reading the Hobbit in my blanket fort alone with a bottle of wine... all I need is dungeons and dragons to complete this superfecta of awesome
All I wanted was a good weekend full of booze, laughs, and maybe some penis. Instead, someone is in the hospital, I didn't sleep at all last night. And not because I got laid.
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