I DON'T KNOW WHERE WE ARE WE ARE TOO FUCKING ELEVATED.
Me either! Fuck yeah, 12th and something. 12th and hamburger stand.
I will never try to masturbate with americas funniest home videos playing in the background ever again
It's great when the cashier at the liquor store asks "weren't you wearing those clothes yesterday"
Is it too forward to say "stop being a good friend and start being a good fuck buddy"
Okay. We're coming naked. We need Saran wrap and plastic forks.
Trying to find a reliable dealer on Rockfordmugshots.com. Guy arrested for 15 grams of coke could be him !
You realize those people have been ARRESTED recently. right.
People were staring and acting all judgmental and offended... Like they've never seen anyone breastfeed in a liquor store.
It's 2:10 am I am sprawled on the floor of the kitchen drunk and eating cold chicken wings come help
My purse is like an anchor I can't move I am sliding around like an over turned turtle send help
This floor is really dirty send a maid if you can
I think I maybe realized he was too old for me when I went into his bathroom and he had anti aging face cream.
Idk what was more embarassing, seeing her face when I finished, or seeing her roomates faces thru the door..
I was blacked out when we met, so basically this will be a blind date.
I just licked a piece of cheese off my phone screen if that makes you feel any better
She came into the salon and said, "Don't judge me. Yes that's cum in my hair and I want a shampoo, cut and style."
reminiscing on last night: why the fuck did I feel the need to stand on chairs everytime we took a jello shot?
I think I accidentally got a sugar daddy but I was already planning on sleeping with him so I’m going to see where this goes
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