MY DAD AND I ARE ON OUR WAY OUT OF FLORENCE AND I JUST SAW A MAN AT A BUS STOP WITH A GIMP HAND SLAP HIS DAUGHTER ACROSS THE FACE WITH IT.
I'm paying a homeless guy $20 to follow me around bars tonight with a boombox playing the theme to Rocky.
Its funny how you denied every part of the text except " you hate fat ppl"
There were slices of bread pasted to the wall with peanut butter this morning. I don't want to know
I need to figure out how to tell my doctor that I don't want to fix my possible fertility problems until AFTER I'm done whoring around in my 20s.
My halloween constume SCREAMS "Hey i just got done with a shitty relationship and I'm DTF"
How dare you. Idk what you called me, and neither does google translate, but you better take it back.
He called me on my way to the bathroom and told me he wanted to hear me pee my beers out... That. Drunk.
I'm not sure I can continue to condone our having sex in all of your friends' beds
There is a man playing a trumpet at this brunch and I hate life. Too hungover for this. Send help ASAP.
What's worse having drunken sex with hot married man or breaking the diet one week in?
We ate sushi in a hospital bed, then fucked in a bathroom while I wore a gown. Pretty sure she's the one
I started keeping track of my period when I realized you had a better grasp of it than me.
A real best friend would support the hoe in me. Not remind me of what happened the last time I slept with a boss
Just saw a commercial for non alcoholic baileys cream. WHAT THE HELL IS THE POINT?!
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