he smells like the inside of heather mills' fake leg
I'm going as Jenn Sterger if she answered Favre's calls and ended up in a trash can. If I don't get laid tonight I'm going to be pissed
he picked an earring up off the bar floor and tried to give it to girls as a present.
I booty called her while she was in labor.
By the way, I'm pretty sure your husband is publicly advocating more BJs for my husband, via Facebook.
i mean, i offered you kinky, jungle themed sex. i don't know what else you want from me
When someone comes out of your vagina and stomps on your dreams, you'll understand.
do you know how hard it is to bring up the "what do I do if you conk out while we're fucking" conversation while maintaining the dignity of.the narcaleptic girl you just met?
My dick was almost in plain McDonald's sight
My office already closed tomorrow. I'm bout to get drunk and build a muh fuckin fort. I shall call it "Fort Fuck You, Sandy, You Fuckin Bitch"
What would you say is the recommended tip for a hotel maid who has to clean up vomit on just about every surface of a hotel bathroom?
I found your dog. Now we are bros, so he is staying. Don't call, don't make it weird.
No judgement. Sometimes you gotta twerk on a legends face.
I'm sure nobody at Walmart was wondering why I was wearing a glittery tutu and needed $300 changed into small bills
She shouldn’t care what consenting adults do behind closed doors
You do realize it was her husband you were hooking up with behind that door, right?
Randomize
