Did we use protection last night?
Um, no...keep in touch, okay?
Threw up 3 times on the lawn mower and then proceeded to crash it into a tree root and break it.
Definately laid on the floor of the shower this morning drinking the water as it fell on me.
Best part of failing a semester of college: not having to buy books next semester. I can drink to that
There's some muscle relaxers in my bedside table. Sorry if my dildo is in the bathroom.
i made sure not to drool on your bed by putting my hoodie on backwards and swaddling my face in the hood
Why is there a muffler in the livingroom?
First, I just want to say that I had nothing to do with it. Second, how good is your car insurance?
Just got offered a dog by two Meth head's one of which wasn't wearing shoes and continually saying "fuck"
"you can only have my number if you answer all the questions on this trivial pursuit card correctly"
Gotta get new sheets. ..I fucked the satin off mine.
Pretty sure that propositioning you to fly across the country for sex fest '13 isn't something my husband would approve of.
Yeah I'd rather get obliterated at home.
Same here. I'd like to ensure that I won't get pissed on.
I just want to sing to him and rub baby oil on his head
I HAVE TOO MICH DICK TALKING TO ME IDK WHAT TO DO.
alright well you definitely hurt his feelings though you told him he looked like he was going to an Amish community prayer meeting..
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