Its okay if i dont like him.his junk is just too good to resist.model penis,lame guy.
god damn woman. you are like the herpes of drunk texting. you never go away.
so last night after we hooked up i got my period and woke up this morning with a blood stain on his bed and not only was it huge but i had put my jeans back on before bed so i took the walk of shame with period stained pants
hungover + watching bobsledding = i just puked
Just got blown on the bus in front of abot 20 ppl. Lots of high fives.
Someone in a vagina costume on campus.
Gong!
YOU'RE MARRIED NOW YOU CAN'T KEEP GONGING ME WHEN YOU GET LAID IT DOESN'T COUNT
I tried to pay my tab and go home but she wrote me a "list of things I'm good at" with fellatio as no 1...
Wanna show up on a guy's doorstep and punch him in the balls for me? At least this one isn't a cop.
I've seen you dance and let's just say its a good thing you don't have a small dick
i just woke with half a bagel saran wrapped to my phone and a cookie in an envelope beside my head...
Lol I wish they went straight to your cock then shot out into my mouth like a cock nacho dispenser
I just had sex with the kid I walked next to at my first holy communion
is it bad that there is a girl in my bed right now and the only thing i can think about is the fect that its after 3am which means i cant order jimmyjohns unitll tomorrow?
You couldn’t remember the word hand jibber. Instead, your drunk ass offered the bartenders “unlimited hand fritters” if they wouldn’t cut you off.
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