my dad just secretly slid me a nugg in front of my mom. remind me why I moved away for college??
i think i've said "don't judge me" 10+ times tonight... is that a bad thing?
yes
... don't judge me
I could write a book called "things that come out of my vagina"
She asked the class if starwars was based on a true story...
my Econ professor just passed around his phone for us to take a pic of ourselves so he could learn our names. I am currently looking him up on my sex offenders app.
the worst part of it wasnt him peeing on the xbox. it was when he showed me his penis and made a kissy face at me. THAT was painful.
my mom just poured a water bottle of wine to take my dog on a walk...
I have no idea what happened last night, but you're the only person I remember smashing my face into. Be honored.
He couldn't stand on his own, but he managed to somehow to get to the beer garden and get served 3 more. I'm proud to call him my cousin.
How did she break his doorknob?
That was our fault. We put a chair under the doorknob so that she wouldn't wander out of his room in the middle of the night and jump into bed with her ex. But she's stronger than we thought.
I now have a GPA requirement for guys I hookup with more than once.
Most men with as many freckles as you aren't vagina magnets. You are an exception to your kind.
If I was gonna be at your campus for halloween weekend, I'd dress up as the masked horny fairy and give out condoms. I'm so thoughtful.
Am I really that high, or did I just spray febreeze outside ?
Getting on a bus with a beer pong table. I am proof we can make this campus fun.
Randomize
