You should never have let annie watch you have sex with other women
Her cum face looks like the large marge scene in pee-wees big adventure
just scratched off #34 on my list of things to do before age 30 - drunk in a helicopter.
when a 14 year old is judging you, you know you've had too much to drink
Just found two Xanax on the floor at the tanning bed. And yes, Im taking them...looks like going to get cancer is paying off
Just did a kegstand with my dad. Happy fathers day.
...And then you kept screaming "cock mouth" in her face every time she tried to talk.
Just had sex in an ice hut. What have you done with your holiday break?
I've never heard "I will drown your mother in vanilla pudding" as an insult before, and then last night happened.
Someone put pennies in the toilet. This isn't a fucking wishing well
It's like fucking tetris in this bed
Are you sexting with minion stickers right now?
i had to flash a cab last night.
did it work?
No. he slowed down but then kept going. story of my life.
Wanted to let you know I hooked up with your brother.
i thought he was gay wtf
I woke up this morning hand cuffed to the bed with three bruised ribs and Amy written in lipstick on my chest... what happen lastnite??
Randomize
