your brother just told me that Guinness is the first book of the Bible...
I really hope I'm not the first person who's had to wash vomit off of cash and credit cards.
Y'know, without the cops, it would've just been us daydrinking,
why do the even put the "Please drink responsibly" on tequila ads? like has anything responsible ever come from tequlia. No. never.
he's totally gay but hes wondering what hes missing out on. Im going to show him.
no pressure.
I don't know how, but he made a bong out of a hamster wheel. To say I am impressed is an understatement.
We need to get her a baby shower present. And no, a blow up sex doll with her dead boyfriends picture stuck to it, is not appropriate.
God I feel like the rain man of hangovers.
A man and his most likely hooker just bought us Taco Bell.
Just did a "spirit of homecoming" bump off a stranger's credit card. A stranger that dropped us off at home. Erica's bad. How do allllll of the Eastern Europeans know how to find drugs so easily?!?
My fuck buddy is great and all, but it gets weird when she gets in arguments with her BF in the driveway
We smoked a blunt in a stall where a drag queen was fucking a bartender in the ass. So theres gonna be a second date :)
i have a strong feeling that today will be a naked day for me...i don't feel like doing shit
Hangover and judgement, the breakfast of champions.
Tonight I totally got eaten out in the old school photo booth in the mall. Will send you pics of the photo reel asap
Randomize
