You're going to have to start masturbating with your left hand. Or with someone's vagina
i had the deer in headlights look when she walked in and i was digging in her hamper
Im glad youre not pregnant with that New Jersey assholes baby. Your vagina would have smelled worse than Newark.
when she said she's going upstairs to put her "play clothes" on, I knew either she was a pervert or a kindergarten teacher. Either way, I wasn't going to leave. She's a pervert by the way.
I have officially had sex in every room on my floor. Don't say I'm not an amazing RA.
If I EVER think it's a good idea to blow someone who just showed me their synchronized swimming performance on youtube again please correct me immediately.
He's like Medusa, you can't look directly into his eyes or you'll turn into a slut.
Just fucked in a kitchen. I never want my penis that close to knives, stoves, or blenders ever again.
The best part about drinking boxed wine is you can blow up the bag and use it as a pillow
I just want my birth control to stop making me feel like I'm watching baby seals get clubbed to death any time anything even remotely unpleasant happens lol
It's snowing in May and there was a law school party at the strip club. The end is near.
In my defense, who let the drunk girl run around with a sack of broken glass unsupervise?
I made a bong out of my deodorant today. Did you?
Rarely does a man I fucked with upgrade from me
As a BFF it is your duty to answer when I drunk call you at 3 in the morning because I couldn't find a knife to cut that cake. I finally found one, fell asleep with it and the cake in bed. K thanks bye.
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