3.50 mugs at the bar.
Nah man, im with an ugly chick. Im waiting til everyone's drunk enough tonight, they don't notice.
How ugly, and does she have friends?
You even been so high breaking up weed with your fingers feels like surgery?
His mom walked into the kitchen smiling, made a scotch on the rocks, hit my bong, and told us goodnight enthusiastically. He's suddenly more appealing to me.
I wonder if they'd let me siphon the gas out my car before they impound it
This is going to be another afternoon spent getting drunk in the shower, isn't it?
He said he got laid, but you and i both know he was too high to leave his house.
By 11 pm the pants were off and there was no turning back. But on the bright side, you promised me your CDs when you died, you even signed a napkin saying so.
Panda onesie. Pizza. Netflix. Wrapped up like a burrito. Screw you guys and your cute relationships THIS IS WHAT INFINITE HAPPINESS TASTES LIKE
The lowest point of my life has been reached. I just drank half a jar of pasta sauce.
I just found one of your beard hairs in my oatmeal.
The dude we met that gave us weed sent me a video of his balls covering the sun like a solar eclipse
I WILL KICK YOU IN THE FUCKING THROAT IF YOU EAT MY FUCKING ICE CREAM.
Thanks for not letting me choke to death on my vomit last night
Thank you for attempting to organize my DVDs in chronological and alphbetical order
momentary stint on a second floor library computer...guy next to me snorted blue adderall off his notebook through a cut straw, i cant tell if this guy is my hero or just plain crazy...
Mom says you're allowed to come home if you replace the towels. I don't want to know why.
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