I called you to phone bone last night, but you were out with your boring friends playing video games
i dont care if it was her birthday. if she leaves me with a half rack of budweiser and her boyfriend obviously shits gonna go down.
That would explain his violent outburst while watching barefoot contessa...
The guy in the cast riped the tap off the keg and hit steve with it
I woke up and took my shirt off, and there was what I was assume to be pieces of tree in my chest hair. Any ideas about that one?
time out. can we just pause the wholesome understanding friendship thing and be fuck buddies for a night?
we need a secret handshake
I wouldn't even cut tickets or put ppl in jail I'd just hand out punches to the mouth and Liam Neeson throat chops
Like, you've got the smoothest dick in the west. Do you moisturize?
Yes I do
I just accidentally showed an old lady a pic of my penis while showing her cat pics. So how's your day going?
I woke up with my vibrator in my bed so I'm assuming I had a decent night.
My date bailed but I got to take a nap so I'm cool with it.
She unfriended me four minutes after we fucked. That must be some sort of record.
I really don’t want to have kids.
I thought we agreed we were done with dirty talk for the day
Cum just came out of my nose. That is all.
Saw a sign that said the chorus of never gonna give you up was enough time to wash your hands. Coronavirus has Rick rolled me.
Randomize
