The guy in front of me in lecture is using a fifth of smirnoff as a water bottle.
Nevermind, it's not water.
Moms kinda upset I threw up in grandmas bedroom. I think ill stay in tonight.
I HAVE FLAVORED BLOW. THIS SHOULD NOT EXISIT.
For some reason I just don't think you going to the gay bar alone on thanksgiving is a good idea.
Facebook stalking a girl from Germany is harder then you think.you have to copy and paste all this shit into freetranslations.com then try and piece together an awkward sentence. If only I could put this energy into something productive.
Who is this?
You offered to lift up your dress at the bar so I could see your lower back tattoo
Um, I think that was a general offer to everyone. So...who IS this?
How the fuck did you end up in a tree? With multiple people?
You overflowed the toilet cuz you tried to flush apples. you said they were singing too loudly
Don't feel bad, we're professionals and we just housed burgers in burger king singing I believe I can fly
I miss yesterday.Today's hangover makes yesterday's look like a little girl with blonde ringlets playing hopscotch in the street with a ginger kitten.
I am officially now FB friends with my arresting officer.
Whoops. I'm a horrible gf, I dropped the "I'm looking for jobs in a different city" bomb before I wished him a happy anniversary
I think he's an actor
That's not a good enough reason to wear guy-liner
I wrote notes to myself all over my body. "don't yell at cops again" "Cody stole your phone" "you kissed Cody" "vodka shots are bad for your liver" and "cactus pretty" WTF????
Hey! Its not the first time I've been eaten out in a bridesmaids dress in a church by a groomsman!
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