I couldn't tell if he was hitting on me or if he was just mentally challenged.
Left my card at the bar and had a drunk girl climb on the hood of my running car to scream at me.
Hey. Hope youre not too hungover. Also, did you put a Christmas tree in my guest bathroom and cover it with condoms?
No I can't cure herpes. I'm an EMT, not Jesus.
I even got my dealer to make gluten free special cookies ;-)
You is good. You is important. You is a slut.
Would it be inappropriate to do a science fair project on whether the type of drunk a person is is determined by nature or nurture
dude you're not even a fucking science major
I'm straight up riding in the back of my truck in a bean bag chair right now. Feet propped up and four loko in hand. Glorious.
He knows whenever I get drunk I'm going to call him and make fun of his major. Its like a reverse booty call.
as much bud light as i have consumed over the years budweiser should give me a clydesdale
My little brother came home while I was sitting there icing my vagina with a bag of peas. Asshole looks at me, high fives Ryan, then leaves.
Well if YOU HAVE TO KNOW, we're laying across the street from the bar on that grassy hill trying to see who's she's with at the bar.
he said "GREAT SCOTT" as he was cumming.
I think I won an award for shitting and vomiting at the same time.
All I know is when I asked you how many fingers I was holding up, you said "Hippo"
Randomize
