Ok seriously, can we bring back badminton?
Fuck you I wanted that fabulous flaming homo to win american idol...its like we lost the gay marriage vote...again
New realization: eye makeup remover takes sharpie off boobs
idk how it happened. she made a very smooth transition from crying to blowing me
I just saw a sign that said "STRIPPERS!!! As seen on Jerry Springer!". As if Springer is the highest honor. I'm pretty sure we're in south Georgia.
It's amazing how many friends she makes simply by carrying that flask of whiskey everywhere she goes.
The whole time we were hanging out my vagina was yelling at me like its a real live penis that wants to have sex with us what are you doing
Ran into a tinder match at the bar last night. We spotted each other and started making out without speaking any words to each other. Fuck yea technology!
so like what it comes down to is do I wanna look like a boss ass bitch or do I wanna masturbate.
A boy just offered to come over and help me clean my house. I hope you are more successful than he will be tonight.
I banged a guy named Robbie last night and in the middle of sex he begged me to scream santos. I'm pretty sure I just screwed a dude with multiple personalities.
A dick pic is not a proper way to say I'm sorry
Haha. I have resting bitch face. He has I want y'all to die face. It's a subtle difference
So the 25yr old smokeshow I fucked last night said "Prepare to be disappointed" as he put the condom on. I was. 40 is bullshit.
VIVE LA RESISTANCE
Oh god, what now?
Randomize
