It was like doing yoga with his dick in me
he like comes into my room and is like..."can you fix my pants" and then just drops trou
i wish that every time i slipped on a sheet of ice i had the ability to recover with a michael jackson move
She's "scared" of blowjobs, so she just played with it for a while.
I've decided to turn your sobriety into a reason for me to be able to drink more.
If I won't even leave the house for sex tonight. I definetly not going out for anything else.
Im pretty sure he just said he wants to make a baby with me, but he's pretty shitfaced, so I'm not sure if he knows who I am.
I just finished deleting miscellaneous contacts from my phone ... time for a HIV test!
If they weren't representing Obama and the White House, they definitely would've punched me in the face.
Being drunk is way better. Seriously, I just licked your brother to make sure my spit was actually real.
We left his house because I forgot how to drink water, I was just holding it in my mouth and then spitting it out, needless to say I don't remember the sex.
I went in the closet and cried, then the bathroom and cried, and lastly he showed me his penis and I cried. It was a weird night.
Worst walk of shame man. They had a fire drill at 7am, had to walk out of her all girl dorm wearing my Everday I'm Hustling sweater
He FaceTimed me fucking his new girlfriend. He was wearing a banana costume.
I thought accidentally shaving off my fingertip while trying to shave my butthole was going to be the most unexpected part of my day, but no
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