dude, despite what happened last night, I'm not gay
Um, that's called prostitution
Not if I leave it on the nightstand, then it's called cab money
I just realized last night I drunk-bought a flight to Florida for this weekend...kinda torn between the price and the potential of awesomeness
I'm sexting at the thanksgiving dinner table...this is a new holiday tradition.
Why do you think it's a no-pants party?
Invite says "dress to impress". Her fault for leaving it open to interpretation.
At least you have booty calls.
True. I just waste them though. I feel like I need to be told "there are people in this world who would give anything for just one and you have two." You know in that same tone your parents told you about the starving people in china
Two dudes. Loud music. Dancing shirtless possibly naked. Why would I ever need cable?!
I'm starting to think you fell asleep on your kitchen floor pantless with salsa spilt around you
is one penis in the hand worth one better nicer penis in the manscaped bush?
Just fat and dog and sweat all over the bed. All night long.
yea but i missed the pot and poured the boiling water on my dick. shit hurts. aint nothin easy about that mac
I thought if I bought the most expensive pregnancy test I would look like I had my life together
The girl at the liquor store remembered me as "the girl who pays in hundreds" so she didn't ID me
This is a crisis. I had a huge crush on him in seventh grade and now his girlfriend is due to have his child on my birthday. HIS CHILD CAN'T BE BORN ON MY BIRTHDAY.
Left my wallet at the store. Wouldn't have noticed if the joint I just rolled wasn't in it.
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