i'm so desperate for a drink right now i looked up the recipe to make pruno
why cant girls ever use the fly? why do they always have to awkwardly try to pull it over your belt?
So then the officer asked you how you were getting home and you told him "very carefully"
At what point did I eat out of your mouth?
Just found out my mom tried to sue the birth control company when she got pregnant with me...love you too mom.
Wait til she sees the pic of her vag in court docs.
We were dancing and she was clawing my stomach like a fat kid getting to a half broken pinata.
Update is I am officially king of Gettysburg. Tam and I are being threaded like royakt. In bought e ruined a drink
Add caroling to the list of things we need to do in an elevator
He's the conductor of the struggle bus
I RODE THAT FINE PIECE OF STRUGGLE BUS
We're so stoned that were both cuddling on the couch and crying over Forest Gump while eating popcorn. She asked me if I'd fuck away the sadness. I think she's serious.
You put on a bike helmet, yelled "doesn't matter fuck it" then punched a stick the fire
I was jerking him off and in two seconds he went from "oh yeah that feels good" to "what day is Thanksgiving again?" and then back again. Like wtf.
I'm glad you enjoyed the night but why were you calling me "daddy"?
I’m sorry I pressured you for dick pics.
Randomize
