I've come to the conclusion that if I was an old man, I would perve around in short gym shorts for kicks.
i don't know how to normally transition into sexual activities without being drunk...
Just walk through the Honors dorm on a Saturday night. You'll feel better about yourself.
my cabbie only has one arm...this can't be safe
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He started making shapes and faces with his cock and balls.... apparently if you wrap the shaft with your balls and turn it 90 degrees to the left it looks like a hamburger
I think she must be bulimic. I mean, every time I see her I know i want to throw up.
Were betting on little kids falling and racing for a drinking game at the wedding.
No need to call an exterminator, the ants overdosed on the leftover lines on the counter.
You better fuck one or both of those bitches and bring me pictures that will make me uncomfortable
I can do at least one of those things.
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just walked into the study room and found an empty bottle of vodka and a passed out freshman. Did you have anything to do with this?
Just showered now I smell like berries instead of shame
He was dressed as the 420 Easter bunny...he looked like a walking anti-drug campaign.
you told me you wanted to be a soccer mom with a high tolerance then you put the bottle to your face
HE LIVES IN ANOTHER STATE
actually scratch that last text, he's the perfect boyfriend. He stays faithful and doesnt find out about all the guys here. it's a win-win
She threw my purse across the room almost broke a lamp and this all started bc she forgot what an air mattress was
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