She made me repeat after her: "I take responsibility for what I put in my own mouth."
He made me stop in the middle of giving him a blowjob so he could go get his glasses. because he "wanted to see". I need to stop dating nerds.
just took a shot of real whiskey... i forgot what it's like to drink liquor that costs more than twelve dollars.
masturbating while the coffee brews is the new power nap
well what is some mechanical horse racing with out blow involved
I'm so sorry man. Roger cartwheeled into a signpost and cut his face open. it was pretty messy so we all went into panic mode.
Okay, quick math test. If our entire group can do at least 6 shots a night, how much alcohol will be needed to keep us shit faced for the rest of the week? This is for a grade. Anddd, go.
My goal tonight is to get arrested because what cop can say they have ever arrested a giant sperm before. God I love halloween
And don't worry, my exact words were "I can't believe a baby came outta that thing"
He drunk dialed me at 2am asking if he could put a baby in me.
Dude. It's not even nine. I don't know yet.
Drink number four. Don't even tell me about its not even nine
Yeah, you went up to him and said "I stare at people until they feel obligated to talk to me."
Doing 9 month old dishes in my bath tub. These dishes literally had enough time to gestate a human child
I've found my spirit animal. I'm a Snapple bottle. If you take my top off I'll tell you a fact about science.
Got baked and laid and ate baked lays when I laid down while baking the brownies I I’m Superman
You’re still high, aren’t you?
Oh yeah
Randomize
