Did you dl zombie porn on my computer?
Last night Brynn convinced every person at the party wearing glasses that they stole hers, and she woke up with 8 pairs of prescription glasses in her bag.
I think I'm cybering, it's been a while and its more in depth than it was in 8Th grade.
I just realized that he was my first random hookup that didnt cause a massive breakup or divorce. Im starting to grow up
For some reason i am carrying prostate cancer brochures. i am nor used to drinking this early.
he just sent me a pic of him naked with a bucket of margarita mix hanging off his dick
you had acid sex with the barista. why is my bucket list your tuesday?
By the way. I expect to test the theory of you running a mile drunk for memorial day.
I just made a drink so ill shit. It's goona be great. Ill tell you about it when you get here. Get pumped. For my shit.
I just used a VHS tape as a plate for sanwich
Can't feel body but making pizza rolls
I did just chug a pint glass of wine during a solid round of masterbation, so I believe I am ready for bingo.
Okay. So did I kiss you last night? I know that I made out with someone. Or a few someones. But I'm pretty sure that I made out with you. Was that real life?
My mom said "I saw the signs you guys were high, so I made the spaghetti"....so ya, I'd say she definitely knew
Gotta say, self-deprecating Lord of the Rings-themed sex jokes were not on my agenda for today.
Randomize
